Monday, January 17, 2005

The unrest in my soul.

I have been thinking, and reading a lot lately, I have gotten back into the bible on a daily bases again and its wonderful, but painful. I just wanted to share some of the things I have been struggling with.

I am begining to feel unrest in my soul, I want more, I want to want less. I want to be completely sold out to Christ I want to hold nothing back from Him and what He has for me to do on Earth. I am tired of holding things back from God, I am sick of justifying away my sins. I want to do all these things for Him instead of making myself look better. Who am I to think I deserve anything? What makes me think that I should be able to have a new car, or buy a house, or an iPod or a new computer? Who am I to think God needs to bless me with more then eternal salvation and a life with Him?

I rejoice that I am finally feeling unrest with my complacency; I pray that my unrest doesn't end. I feel guilty, prideful, arrogant, ignorant, angry, scared, and completely loved. Now comes the hard part, changing. Anyone want to join me? Atleast pray for me to be completly Christ centered, I want to have the faith that says "leave everything and follow me".


julie said...

Some practical advice, from one who strives to eschew materialism: get rid of the Ipod. Go through your house, inch by inch, and scale down. When was the last time you wore X? Listened to X? Do you really need this many plates, that many shoes, whatever...the less you have, the more you're able to see you don't Need. Donate it. Sell it. Have a swap meet with friends.

Get involved with the less fortunate, step outside of your "comfort zone" and sweat (literally/metaphorically).

Ask yourself, "What would Jesus do?"


Brandon from Kansas City said...

That's a great prayer to use on your path. praying for truest following. The "changing" you're talking about is tough, we're all there at one point or another.

*but I still think you should get an iPod eventually.

J.R. said...

hahaha, thanks Hill!